I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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