bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
