I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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