Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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