why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
