I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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