"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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