Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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