You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
