A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Of course I have a pirate flag
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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