I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
