You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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