I could have mohawked her pubes.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
