i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
