You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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