I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
