Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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