We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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