I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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