I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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