the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
