I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
