why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
