As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
whose parrot is this?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize