Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
