i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
