i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
