Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
