So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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