Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
