I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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