i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
