i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
