You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
