i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
