new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
