I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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