that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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