I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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