so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
