sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
