So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
