Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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