all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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