it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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