we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
