Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
