I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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