He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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