you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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